Dark Entries

Everything I couldn't say or show anywhere else

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part 1 The bro chronicles
Eyeliner, books
It began at one of the lowest points in my life. I was drinking every day and occasionally going on speed binges with a new potential boyfriend. He was a fair skinned fat guy with a charming face that had fairly decent taste in music. I had never really been involved with a guy that had similar interests as I did, so at first the union was very refreshing. I was so lonely and depressed at the time and in desperate need of company. He would get a prescription of Adderall filled every month and share it with me and sometimes others until it was gone. We'd hang out in his grandma's basement where he lived and play music. Since I was Japped out on speed and horny as a goat I'd occasionally let him fingerbang me and give me head multiple times till I squirted all over the place, then we'd talk about life. He had a crazy freakishly ugly ex that would come over and start shit. When she'd be on her rants, I'd have to hide until she went away. That alone was almost enough to make me not want to get too involved with the guy, but then he dropped a bombshell on me.
One night while we were having a confession session, he admitted that he spent time in a juvenile prison. I did, too, no biggie, right? WRONG. It turned out that he was convicted of some type of homosexual pedophilic sex crime in his mid teens. It was kind of earth shattering, but since he had the courage to spill his guts about it to me and explained how he had been ritualistically and repeatedly raped throughout his childhood, I took pity on him. Before I knew it, he was telling me he was in love with me. I didn't know what to do. All of my friends were hanging out there on occasion to drink and eat his speed, so I couldn't really just cut him off because doing so would completely ruin my social life. I was so conflicted. I began to become very fond of this guy, but after hearing the fucked up rapenews, I had no clue how to feel about him anymore.
After a couple of months passed, I had a big fight with my folks and had no where to go but his place. Of course he welcomed me, but there was a catch...his brother was also going to be spending a few days with him. Eh, I figured we'd be a nice little group based on what I knew about his brother, whom I had only met twice before. Within a couple of days his brother and I began to figure out that we had much more in common than brother #1. I felt brother #1 start to get jealous. I started to become attracted to brother #2. We recorded a song together, he burnt me a Leonard Cohen CD, gave me a Strokes Tshirt, and one night we scraped up change communally to get beer and cigs. Brother #1 was of course too lazy to walk to the store in the December freeze, so #2 and I went alone. The walking and talking with him only made me even more attracted to him. Besides that I had never recorded music with anyone before, and I felt like it connected him to me even more from that point.
We got back to the basement and started drinking. #1 passed out quickly, leaving #2 and I alone for the most part. We were sitting in front of the computer making playlists. I kept thinking of how badly I wanted him, but figured there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell he'd go for me. Besides that, it would be wrong to hit on a guy with his brother who is in love with me sleeping just a few feet away from us. But then, out of no where, he kissed me. I kissed back and then pulled away, but he was relentless. Before I knew it we were naked. He stood up, held out his hand and led me to the bathroom. We fucked like beasts. One of my feet were bleeding from carpet burn (I still have a scar to this day). I even let him come in me. We laid in the floor of the bathroom naked for a few minutes and then started messing around again. Then we heard #1's voice...
"You guys in there?" I quickly jumped up and ran into the adjacent laundry room to make an attempt to hide. "We're busted!", I whispered. #2 Answered and confirmed that yes, we were in there. "Why won't you guys come out?" #1 asked. Before I had the chance to make up anything, #2 answered him again, coldly, saying "Because we're naked and our clothes are in the floor in there."

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Your writing is exciting and very vibrant. Good to read such stuff. :)

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